just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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