Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
