youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
