this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
