You smell like stripper and shame
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
