I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
