party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
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