i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize