Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
