i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
