just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
