and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
