Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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