we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
