I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
