But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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