just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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