There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
