I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
