the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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