I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
only you would photoshop your dick
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
