At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
