Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
