I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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