I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
