He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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