Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
