you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
