Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just want nice things and good sex
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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