Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
