If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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