It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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