I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
