I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
