Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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