i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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