A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
