I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
