i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
it's like iHOP with fire
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
