I faked an abortion last night.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
