i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
