oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
