i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
