Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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