i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Randomize