I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
