lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
