I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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