I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize