please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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