Kiss
Puke
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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