yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
