it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
