And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
