Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
