Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
