Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
