yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
