you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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